The Salt
2:09 pm
Mon June 3, 2013

Sandwich Monday: Dunkin' Donuts Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich

Like all great traditional Boston foods — the Boston Cream Pie, Boston Baked Beans, the Chicago Pizza at the Pizzeria Uno near Fenway — the Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich is about to go national. Someday, Bostonians will talk about how they heard it play when it was just a cool, local sandwich.

Ian: I never realized how pointless bagels were before.

Miles: I like a breakfast that forces me to take a nap right after waking up.

Miles: I always wondered why Dunkin' Donuts spells it "donut" instead of "doughnut." But, looking at this, I see where they put all the extra "ugh."

Ian: Yeah, I'm just going to abbreviate "donut" to "don't."

Miles: My mom always told me breakfast was the most important meal of the day. I think this pretty much proves her wrong.

Peter: This seems to be an attempt to combine the meal and dessert into one meal. All they need is to add the statin drugs, and you're set.

Eva: Yeah, this makes up a complete breakfast. In that after you've eaten it, you've completed your lifetime quota of breakfasts.

Ian: Is it true there's no "g" in "Dunkin'" because someone ate it?

Miles: This is my first step in my transition to an entirely glazed-based diet.

Peter: "One steak, please. Medium rare. Glazed."

Ian: Thirteen doughnuts is called "Baker's Dozen." Thirteen of these is called "Euthanasia."

[The verdict: Just as with Paula Deen's Lady's Brunch Burger, doughnuts prove a fantastic replacement for bread. It's a great way for people who have a hard time choosing between an unhealthful breakfast and another unhealthful breakfast.]

Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me.

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